Official Version 1:

MURPHY'S LAW:
If something can go wrong, it will.

MACKOWSKIT'S LAWS OF DROPPED PARTS:

• 1. The probability of dropping a part on the floor is inversely proportional to the size of the part.
• 2. The closer the color match of a part and the floor, the greater the probability of dropping the part.
• 3. A dropped part will bounce to the most inaccessible part of the room.

Corollary: If the dropped item is heavy or sharp, it will visit your foot before obeying the third law.
• 4. As soon as you give up on looking for a dropped part, you will find it by stepping on it.

• 1. The more unbuilt kits you have on the shelves, the fewer kits you actually build.
• 2. Unbuilt kits expand to fill the space available.
• 3. Reference material expands beyond the space available.
• 4. Additional reference material adds confusion, not clarification.

BOWERS COROLLARY: The time it takes to build a model is in DIRECT proportion, and the quantity of models you actually build is in INVERSE proportion, to the amount of reference material used.

KUKLINSKI'S PRINCIPLE OF APPEARANCE:
A half-built vacuform impressed people with your skill; a completed vacuform just looks like another model.

DRESCHER'S PARLIAMENTARY RULES FOR EXECUTIVE BOARD MEETINGS:

• 1. If it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.

Corollary: However, it will take the most time to discuss.
• 2. A motion to adjourn is always in order.

• 1. Tube glue strings only in the presence of clear parts.
• 2. Paint causes seams to crack

MILLERS CHAIRMANSHIP PRINCIPLES:

• 1. You can't win.
• 2. You can't break even.
• 3. You can't even quit the game.

THE THICK THUMB THEOREM:
The difficulty in reaching a seam to sand it is directly proportional to the mismatch of the parts.

PUKALA'S PROGRESSION:

• 1. As soon as you scratch build a model, someone will release a vacuform kit of it.
• 2. As soon as you finish a vacuform kit, an injection molded version will be released.
• 3. As soon as you convert an injection molded kit to the version you want, it will be released by another manufacturer.
• 4. As soon as you finish that kit, a better kit will be released. (see Miller's Principles)

SAM CLEMENS' LAW OF DIVERGENCE:
There are references, and there are models, but never the twain shall meet.

Hope this sheds some light on the situation. If you have any to add, shoot them out. We're here to have fun, right?!!

Happy Modeling!

Compiled by Mark E. Young, Jr. IPMS/USA 5494

Edited by Scott M. Head IPMS/USA 32841

 Here are some other funny "Laws" found in:  Scale Models International, the February issue 1993.

MURPHY'S LAWS AND MODELLERS
By: Ronald Baumgartner

Anybody working in computing, engineering or research will know "Murphy's Laws".
At least his First Law is common knowledge today: "If anything can go wrong, it will".
Lots of related rules were added by lots of different persons, explaining how and why all kind of things constantly go wrong.
All this is summed up admirably by O'Toole's commentary on Murphy's Laws: "Murphy was an optimist!"

What does all this have to do with our hobby?
Well, it occurred to me, that there also seems to exist a broad set of such rules concerning modelling.
They appear to be direct descendants from Murphy's Laws.
Some of the following rules will be instantly recognized by you, because you have already experienced them!
And alas, knowing them won't better your modelling skills at all.
But at least from now on you have an excellent excuse for anything that goes wrong with your models!

Certainly this collection is by no means complete!
Witness Baumgartner's addendum to Murphy's Laws: "There is always one more hidden rule preventing your complete success."
(Perhaps other modelers have found out more of these rules and publish them in this magazine to the great enlightenment for fellow modelers.)

The following list is loosely arranged in thematic groups - most probably in a way you absolutely won't agree with.
Well, did you expect something else? Such is the nature of Murphy's Laws!
 
 

Planning, Buying Kits and Collecting Models

• For every carefully planned project there is just one inch too little room in each direction to display the model the way you had planned.

Whatever the size of your rooms may be: You have to many models, You have to little space to display them.
If you are lucky enough to own a whole room only for your modelling activities, the doors and windows will be at the most unfavourable places for installing workbenches and/or display cases.
• If there are several versions of a certain kit, your hobby shop will have only the version in stock you don't want.

If the hobby shop owner reorders the version you want, it will be sold out and no longer available.
You finally decide to kit-bash the version you always wanted, thereby chopping up four other (expensive!) kits.
About two weeks after you finished your kit-bash, three manufacturers will bring out very good and cheap kits of  'your' special model.
After the most painstaking research on a certain subject you will discover that the kit you bought is a model of a completely different version of your chosen subject.
• The week after you finally threw away that old and disgusting model you never liked anyhow, you read in the model press that it is now a very rare collector's item and that fantastic prices are offered for it.

For months you have saved every spare penny, and finally you proudly buy yourself that really expensive kit you longed for.
The next week there will be a special sale of that same model for ridiculously low price.
• The higher up you display a model so that it is out of reach (on a mantelpiece or even a cupboard), the sooner it will be knocked down by somebody (most probably by yourself).

 
 

Workshop and Tools

• Any dropped tool will fall in such a way that it does the greatest possible damage to a model. (Law of Selective Gravity)

Pencils and tweezers with fine points always hit the floor point-first when dropped.
Of course, the points break on impact!
Fragile and brittle things never hit the soft carpet, but always the hard stone floor.
The most frequently used tools are always hidden under a pile of junk on the workbench.
• Whatever the size of your model is: There is never enough room for it on your workbench.

Building smaller models doesn't help at all. (Law of Shrinking Free Space on Workbenches).
• Any sort of glue works best on fingers, quite good on instruction sheets, worst on model parts.

Whenever you spill some liquid plastic cement, it will etch the most conspicuous flat area of your model - or it will soak the sprue with the tiniest parts of the kit, thereby completely ruining the details.
The smaller part to mount, the bigger the blob of cement oozing out of the tube.
• Soldering tools always point with their hot tip towards your hand.
• If you need a screw of a certain size, you invariably find only bigger or smaller screws in your parts box.

If you need four screws of the same type, you invariably find only three of the same in your parts box:
• You will always dull the last blade of your X-Acto knife when every hobby shop within a radius of 20 miles is closed.

If you own a precision tools (such as a screwdriver), the size you really need is always lost or damaged.
• To avoid the loss of tiny parts, you best store them in convenient little boxes. The problem is that you keep losing the boxes.

 
 

Painting and Weathering

• The more time you invest in achieving the exact colour hue of the original on your model, the more visitors will find it not quite matching.

If you are proud of a spotless highgloss finish of your model, every visitor will say: "Too bad you didn't weather it a bit".
If you are proud of your subtle weathering job on a model, every visitor will say: "Too bad it looks so dirty".
The probability of an airbrush sputtering paint drops on a model raises in direct proportion to the price of the model. (Law of Spitting at High Prices)
The minute you have finished cleaning your airbrush/paintbrush, you discover that there is one more important part to paint.
• If the tree of chromed parts in your kit has a flaw in its chrome coating (it mostly does), it always shows on the most prominent spot of the model.

When you scrape away the chrome coating to get a clean spot for the cement to adhere, you either scrape away too little (the part will fall off shortly after completion of the model) or too much (the chrome finish will be irreparably ruined by the scratching).
• The numbers of hair falling out of a brush and sticking to the fresh paint is proportional to the size of the area which should receive an absolutely even paint cover.
• If a small child suddenly snatches a paint jar from the table, it will always be the very one which the lid is not closed.

Consequently the paint will be evenly distributed on your workbench, your model the child and yourself. (The Motion of Brown Paint Law)
 
 

Models of Aircraft, Cars and Ships

• The dihedral on the wings of your aircraft model will be different on both sides.

But - after the most painstaking adjustment until the cement is dry - if both wings really turn out to be symmetrical, you finally find that the dihedral of both wings is either too high or too low. (Rule of Impossible Dihedrals)
• If the interior/cockpit of your model is beautifully detailed, the plastic of the windows/canopy will be so distorted that you cannot see any details inside.

But if the interior/cockpit is poorly detailed, the windows/canopy will be as clear as real glass.
• When rigging up a historic ship model, you will invariably snag an important line with your fingernails, a ring, your sleeves or your wrist-watch.

The probability for such an event rises with the number of lines already strung.
So does the damage inflicted by snagging a line.
• You decide to build two car models of the same team in the same race with all the subtle differences between both individual cars.

When the models are finished, you discover that you got the wrong starting number on the wrong car. (Law of Steady Number Exchange)
• Moving parts of plastic models never do - or they break at the second time you move them.

Fine parts like whip antennas on tanks will be broken off by the first viewer:
All the others will say: "Too bad you didn't even mount an antenna on that model".
 
 

Dioramas

• You will never find a place to display the diorama you are really longing to build.
• Sloppily planned dioramas will turn out to be disappointing and dull.

Carefully planned dioramas will turn out to be even worse, because you expected too much.
The one diorama which is really perfectly planned will never be finished.
• In every diorama there is at least one detail which doesn't fit into the chosen time period.

You never would notice it - but the first viewer of the diorama will spot it at once.
• Every diorama should tell a story.

The problem is, that every viewer will interpret it completely different - and certainly nobody will ever find out what you intended to tell.
• No matter how cautiously you transport a diorama, you will always arrive with an assortment of loosely mixed parts.

 
 

Model Photography

• On every photograph of a high-gloss model there appears as if by magic a highly visible fingerprint in a very suspicious spot of the model.

When you clean your model so thoroughly, that no fingerprints remains, on the photograph a highly visible high-gloss area of the model will be significantly dulled by your scrubbing action.
• When you have set up everything perfectly to photograph a model scene, you discover that you have no more frames on your film left.

But when everything happens to be all right on the photo session, on every developed photograph you will discover a left-over nail, a piece of wire, a tool or at least an uprooted tree or a derailed set of wheels.
• Whenever you are lighting a diorama by photo-floodlights, at least one plastic model will be molten or distorted by the heat. This is because there is always one more plastic gadget on a diorama than you thought.
• The batteries of electronic flashes will always fail when everything is set up perfectly. When you replace them, you will overthrow the camera tripod and disarrange the whole set-up.

 
 

Other Unexpected Sources of Frustration

• Whenever you start to do some construction work which must not be interrupted at all (like painting, plastering a model landscape...), somebody is calling you on the phone or dinner is served.

The stronger your desire to finish a model, the more you have to go to meetings of social organizations, the more relatives are dropping in for a visit and so on.
• Whenever you enter a contest as a beginner, some of the great gurus in the hobby show up with a much more beautiful model of exactly the same object.
• Nobody who looks at your models can do it without breaking off at least one delicate part.

The comment is invariably the same: "Oh surely that doesn't matter for you - you always have been such a wizard when you had to repair things"
• You never will be known as a "serious modeller".

You will always be introduced as "the guy/girl who is making his own toys".

Have them throw their sandwiches into the air. Out of 15 pieces 14 will land on the butter-side.
The 15th won't land at all, because it will stick to the ceiling...